Today we take the final step on the way out of shame, and into a life of permanent freedom. We have learnt that we are not condemned by God and that our identity is in Him alone. Today we will talk about something outside of ourselves: other people.
We were born for community. Life was setup for us to grow in family, to grow up in continual relations with people and to contribute meaningfully to society. We have no control over the families in which we are born, but we can choose who we allow to influence and shape us. In this, lies the 3rd part of your journey out of shame.
You and I need to have a safe community to be around. In a multitude of counselors, there is safety When I say safe, I mean a community that will love you at your worst-that will remind you of your identity in Christ and like God, not condemn you for your sin, failure, or whatever it is that brings shame. Not that they will condone your sin, no, but as Galatians 6:1 says, will know how to restore you firmly but gently. This community does not have to be big, just one or two people may do for you. The important thing is this community must have the heart of God for you and be willing to hear you out when you want to talk about the worst parts of your struggle.
It is hard when living in shame to trust other people. Often, people’s hurtful words, accusations, and rebukes are so full of condemnation that they only deepen the root of the problems within us. However, Hebrews 10, vs 24-25 talks about what a safe community brings to our lives. They spur us, encourage us, strengthen, and exhort us to live lives of love and to be full of good works. As scary as the prospect seems, we need to find people in our lives who we can just be real with, who know our entire backstory, and will walk with us on the journey of life.
This part of the journey was and is still hard for me. I am reserved, and though I talk a lot sometimes, rarely is the conversation about the deep seated motivations and fears inside my heart.
Often, I hid behind the argument that the Holy Spirit and Him alone will fulfill my need for a counselor. I refused to open up to anyone, trying to arm-twist the Holy Spirit to set me free, and then when I was free only then would I open up. To be honest, I would sometimes get very cranky and agitated when I found myself falling back into a cycle of pornography, shame, guilt, then more pornography. I have however learnt, that it is as much a move of God for Him to place an authentic community in my life that I can lean on, as it is for Him to move in supernatural ways.
It is as much a move of God for Him to place an authentic community in my life that I can lean on, as it is for Him to move in supernatural ways.
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God designed us to do life in community, and He wants us to experience a deep, raw, and healing fellowship-one with another. It has been said that you can never know what it is like to be loved unconditionally unless all your dark and ugly secrets are known by the other party. The same could be said of shame. We do not know what it is like to be truly free of guilt and shame until all our failures are known and in the open, and we can be free anyway.
you can never know what it is like to be loved unconditionally unless all your dark and ugly secrets are known by the other party
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We do not know what it is like to be truly free of guilt and shame until all our failures are known and in the open, and we can be free anyway
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So today, I am going to leave you with a challenge. Who is it that is around you that is after God’s heart? Who is around you whom you can open up to and share your story? And know that you have by your side a counsellor and a life-partner? If there is none that you can think of, I am going to ask you to pray and ask God for someone. Once you have prayed, act on the prompting of the Holy Spirit that will come to you.
Invite someone into your life, someone who will fill that need for community that you and I were born for. Someone who will restore you gently to identity, to freedom and be for you the safe place that you need. Don’t hesitate. Do it today.
Selah