Last week, we began looking at shame. I was sharing how it had made me its prisoner, and how I felt like I was not worthy of any love or attention because of my own failings with pornography. We also looked at what to do to find our way out and we where in Zechariah Chapter 3. We were reminded of the heart of God to save, to restore and to cleanse. Even when we are clothed in filthy garments of sin.
Today, we will look at two things that form a paradox, but that together work powerfully to help us to be free. The first is finding the source of your shame. What I realized about a lot of the shame I carried was that it stemmed from seeking the applause of men. I needed to be seen as upright. I needed to be seen and acknowledged as a certain kind of person. Hence, when I was not the person I claimed to be, I felt frustrated, angry with myself and ashamed that if people saw beneath the facade, they would be disappointed with the truth beneath.
This need to be seen and applauded by men is a revelation of pride. Pride that makes boastful claims about who I am and needs to be satisfied by the eyes of men. So the first thing today would be to ask ourselves, “Where am I seeking approval? Where am I seeking acceptance?” Because when we look for acceptance from other people by claiming things about who we are, we set ourselves up for disappointment. We need to find a way out of seeking approval and a sense of worth from people. It is hard, I know, but it is imperative.
Because when we look for acceptance from other people by claiming things about who we are, we set ourselves up for disappointment.
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The second, which is the paradox, is we need to know our own identity. For me, this was in a few parts. The first part was understanding that outside of Christ, I was a sinner. Sin was normal for me in that place and I had just so happened to be easily swayed by pornography. I was not trivializing the habit no, but realizing that if I was outside of Christ, and living under the old nature, I was easily susceptible to sin and rationalizing bad decisions is kind of to be expected. Sheep eat grass, mosquito’s bite and sinners are prone to sin. Just depends on which sin one on their own gravitates towards.
The second part on identity for me was realizing that my identity was not found in what people thought about me. It was to be found in who God said I was and I was meant to live from the inside out. God called me son, he called me forgiven, redeemed and saint. He covered me with the blood of the Lamb and that is who I am. All of it had nothing to do with my performance, but it was a gift. And so to is your identity. It has nothing to do with what you have done, but everything to do with what he has done for you.
The third and hardest part for me was to learn patience with myself. My journey to freedom was not a gateway, but more of a marathon. A marathon where I had to pick myself up many times over as I was trying to break the habit and form new, good and better ones. I had to learn to be patient, and open and vulnerable with people who would remind me of my identity and offer me practical advice on how to keep going on the road to being free. Being with such people, who look upon you with no judgment in your worst moments and seasons works wonders for you.
It helps to break the mindset that says “I am wham I do,” and reminds you ever so clearly that your identity is in Christ. Who you are is determined by Him, and by Him alone. When an eagle knows it is an eagle, it will want to soar above the storm. When the eagle thinks it is a chicken, it will hide in the roost.
When an eagle knows it is an eagle, it will want to soar above the storm. When the eagle thinks it is a chicken, it will hide in the roost.
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So today, on your way out of shame, I am asking you to do read two portions of scripture. The first, is go and read Ephesians Chapter 2 and Romans Chapter 6. They speak to both who we were outside of Christ and who we are today. Take your time as you read them, even if it means it takes you a week to complete them. On your way out of shame, the most important thing is that you are making progress, not the speed with which you travel.
On your way out of shame, the most important thing is that you are making progress, not the speed with which you travel.
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I hope you have been blessed today, and that this will help you on your journey out of shame and into freedom. Join me next week, for the last and final part of this series.