The Friendzone-Why Great Relationships Are Often Missed

So today, just after my run, I was thinking on just how the world has no answers; only illusions that sell a happiness they cannot provide. It can tease, ridicule and make us look like we are clueless, but the reality is that it is the world that needs what we have; not the other way around and I think the idea of the “friendzone” is a perfect example of this.

The friendzone; the place where a girl and guy have a good chemistry as friends; and understand each other very well but continue separately to go through many heartbreaks with other guys who just do not get them the way their friend does. The place where they each know what the other needs, and are able to give it to the other but do not think of getting into a relationship because they do not think of each other “that way.” The idea being there must be instant sexual attraction with “the one,” and it is that chemistry that will make the foundation for a good relationship…

But yet, the irony in all of this is to have an amazing marriage, a key cornerstone will be to be good as friends to each other; not just friends but best friends. In the friendzone, this friendship is there; the willingness to accept and love each other unconditionally and the missing part is supposedly “sexual chemistry.” Ironically, these besties often do not want to lose their intimate place even when the other finds a good relationship but yet do not want to go out with each other because they are “friends.”

It’s a shame, because the missing part – sexual chemistry; is actually the part that is better left to develop last as it stirs up hormones and can easily cloud one’s sense of judgement. To use a cooking allegory, when the physical attraction part is left to brew like a slow cooker, it will add an extra dimension to an already healthy friendship between two people who already enjoy being around each other. When it is instant, like a microwave; it will result in the food popping and bursting all over the place before all the ingredients have suitably mixed and stewed with each other.

I once read an article that said most people who cheat do so with people they already know; and I did not find it surprising – honest friendships are supposed to be a gift, a safe place to be vulnerable when one is weak and needs strength and support: add this to sex itself which according to studies releases endorphins; feel good hormones that relieve stress and lead one to have a sense of joy and the results are not surprising. As such, when I was thinking about the world and how it works, I knew for a fact that it does not have it all together.

Hence, as believers we need to redefine what love is and how it ought to go. The prince charming model that we have been sold is a dud; it does not work. Sexual attraction is powerful, and can confuse one’s ability to reason and think properly. It was sexual attraction that led David to Bathsheba and ultimately to kill Uriah. It is best left to be a slow burner, and if you find yourself with an amazing friend, who might not be “your type,” I would say forget you have a type and actually see how it goes.

After all, who told you that this “type” of yours that you constantly seek is what you really need from a relationship? Remember, the 3 pillars of a great marriage are

1. Eros Love ( Sexual Attraction)
2. Phileo (Brotherly love – being best friends)
3. Agape (God Kind of love, that forgives and always seeks for the best of the other).

And if you have 2 out of 3, I would challenge you to explore the option to see if maybe 3 might happen after all. Chances are you and your “friend” actually have a great recipe for an amazing marriage