In this penultimate article on strongholds, I intend to talk of relationships. Primarily that between a man and his wife or concerning the sexual attractions that a young man seeking to marry will have prior to getting married and also maybe a little more on those interpersonal ones between friends.
Do the following sound familiar “I have found my missing half” 2. “You complete me”. 3. “Marriage is just for show for everyone else. There is no real significance to it. 4. Women/men can’t be trusted. We only marry because we need to. 5. Basa remukadzi mukitchen (A woman’s role is in the kitchen alone). 6. All I want is a baby, I don’t need some man to come into my life and do nothing but cheat on me. Or the classic, “I have fallen hopelessly in love.”
No doubt if you are the average Zimbabwean you have either heard one of these or said or are in the process of living out one of the above. Now before I continue, I want to ask you to for a moment before you dismiss what I write as some holier-than-thou trifling and forgo this, ask yourself this—how many people around you are actually happy in their relationships? Are you happy in your own believing it is the best it could be? And how many of yours that you thought would succeed? Could it be that what you know is actually deficient and has failed you? If you suspect so in the very least, I am going to urge you to read on.
The very first thing to know my friend concerning relationships is that God is on your side. He wants your relationship to work, to be full of joy, love and to be place where you are secure and free to be you. So when its in the bible, its there for your benefit and for you to maximise joy, not to restrict. The first thing to realise is until you are happy with who you are and who God has made you to be. You are not and will not be completed by the other person that’s just wrong to believe on so many levels I could not possibly finish it here. God made you, he formed you and he values you highly. With this same value God attaches to you, you must likewise attach to yourself. You see, when you value you, you know what you are bringing to a relationship and what good it will do to the other person and likewise you have a standard that you expect, a set of core values that you will not compromise on because you are Gods beloved creation. It is this knowledge of value that sets a good foundation for long term commitment in both good and bad times and not anything else like beauty or wealth. Just so you know, there is always someone a little more this or that than your partner and if your quest is for a perfect spouse in everything, yours my friend is an endeavour in futility.
The second is there is a way to have stable long lasting g relationships that are happy. The solution is Jesus, who must always be the only third-party to your relationships. Authentic fellowship with the Lord as couples (advised for marrieds. If dating, maybe not yet at this particular time) where you hold your spouse’s hand and together for a set time and alone pray and worship God. You see, before man I will pretend and act and put on a face but before God, all the crap and noise I cut out and I am laid bare. If you and your spouse can begin to set aside such time, it will do wonders for your marriage for you will be closer in a way that you will not see on movies for Hollywood does not know it exists.
Selah….
For the people not yet married, please, for your own good; dispel the notion that what you see on tv unmarried people doing is the recipe or appearance of a good relationship. If it was, America would not have a divorce rate greater than 50% on first marriages and rising with remarriage. It doesn’t work and its that simple. Your date or boy/girlfriend or fiance is not your spouse. For all that has been said and promise, the covenant has not been made before God and before witnesses and hence it is necessary to maintain the appropriate boundaries. At any of these moments, you should be free to let go if it won’t work due to the surfacing of any concealed deal breakers. So for your own good, forget the Hollywood lie and realise that your date is your spouse or trial spouse and you have the right to demand of her what only a spouse should give. Mind you this is more than sex I am referring to here: for instance if you are not married to him, ask yourself (and may the answer be yes) to whether or not you are able to submit to him, but please now is not yet the time to be submitting. Guys, know when to stop when its no longer a healthy pursuit and what she requires of you a wife would think twice before asking.
For now, I think I must pause here and let God do the rest I. You. May you be blessed and set free from every stronghold that has kept you from enjoying the fullness of life that God wants you to have.
