Rejection; an eight letter word that is a noun of the word reject; wherein the Oxford dictionary defines reject as 1) Refusing to accept or agree 2)fail to show proper affection or concern for or 3)(of the body) react against a transplanted organ or tissue and that today is the subject of what I have to say.
My heart gets heavy, and at times my eyes well up when I see the effects of this in my culture. I am deeply pained when I see many a relationship suffer, both ends simply because of this 8-letter monster. Because for some reason, it seems ingrained in our culture that it is ok and it is advisable even to withdraw affection; to withdraw love and to shame and condemn anything that is perceived as failure. As if the pain of failure alone were not enough! It has been said insanity is repeating the same thing over and over again and expecting different results; and again it has been said the difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits. Both of these are attributed to Albert Einstein and as I look upon the way the cycles of rejection and broken relationships are repeated from generation to generation, I am forced to ask the question—are we that stupid? Are our eyes really that much veiled by the heat of emotion we can take a step back and look at the consequences of our actions? Because its not like rejection can produce intimate relationships or restore bonds of trust hastily broken by flinging like gravel careless words; I say gravel for indeed the sting is the same but unlike the skin, healing a heart wound is a completely different story.
The girl gets pregnant, a teenager and in her Father’s eyes all she sees is disappointment, shame, and embarrassment as he tells her “Go to your baby’s father; I shall have nothing more to do with you.” He is caught with a cigarette, and a beer and as he receives the beating of his life, all he hears is “handina mwana akadai.” She says she has a passion for music, a dream to sing in front of the world but immediately it is stifled; its either get a degree or get out of my house and she dare not exceed her curfew by a minute for then all hell shall break loose. He is diagnosed with a disease, sexually transmitted and far from compassion the words spoken are “You got what you deserved, after all ndozvawaichemera” and to make matters worse, no one is willing just to stand and listen.
Sigh.
My heart honestly is broken because it is by the very rejection that we drive each other apart; that by the fallen sink even deeper into the mud and that the lost son thinks it better not to return home. My major concern when I speak on rejection is the second part; the withdrawal of affection and attention lest I be misunderstood-never will I condone and justify when sin is condemned, but neither will I endorse the equally bad withdrawal of love and affection when this occurs because at the core of every human being, is a deep desire for it; just to be loved and have people stand by you no matter what.
There is the deep desire to know that we are valued before we jump through a couple of hoops and to know that nothing we do can ever change this and the reality is pretty much a lot else does not feel like love but just like control; and boy do we loathe being puppets. It is what I find a rather most peculiar correlation in people that we tend to mirror most the people who show something that looks like this to us and at the same time what I find most empowering for any hurting relationship for it is in the communication of this value that we gain influence over one another.
Until we begin to realise that we cannot truly achieve any lasting change by trying to reject people to a place of conformation, we will be frustrated, angry and disappointed by both the state that we see people in and the quality of relationships we build with them which may almost amount to mere shreds.
Selah
Be blessed