Hi, today my blog-post is not intended as a solution or answer to anything or anyone; but it is merely me attempting to express how at times I have felt; as recently as a few days ago. I wrote as a poem, and if anyone resonates or understands how this feels please let me know.
I speak; and all I hear is the echo from the space around me.
My heart beats against my ribs and the sound of it pierces the silence
I look around me; it is a bleak blend of meaningless grey and wood
A door creaks slightly in the background-its muted response to the intermittent puffs of wind;
And its sound eerily loud in the silence that envelops me
I listen to my mind; scouring for a coherent and logical thought; but it eludes me
I am yearning; deeply longing for something that can consume my being
Something that can captivate me mind, body and soul;
An elixir to awaken my spirit to joy, laughter and singing
But I find none
I listen to my heart again; more attentively this time
And there is more than a heartbeat that I hear
There is a cry rising out of me with the fury of a raging river;
Unquenchable like the might of a summer thunderstorm; but as subtle as a duiker
It is a cry I fear; one whose sound draws from me a sigh of near defeat
For what it seeks and it hungers for; that I know too well
The laughter and smiles of company
The carefree, boisterous nature of camaraderie
The adrenaline rush from a shared experience to treasure for a lifetime;
The elation and deflation that arises in equal measure from competing just because:
The gentle touch of a trusted friend; the listening ear to hear all the rumblings of a restless mind
The authentic presence to lend meaning and purpose to the silence all around;
There it goes again: louder and more forceful this time
The cry for companionship; the ache of loneliness
Clawing away at my heart with the tortuous pain of a thousand needles
A pain and an ache whose solution is only partly in my hands; or at least that’s what reason says
Because in my heart, it feels as though I am powerless to alleviate it;
As if it is a burden beyond my capacity to bear; or my ability to solve
Shrouding me like a blanket; smothering me as if to snuff my breath out;
Is this monstrous burden of loneliness
Munyaradzi Goredema