So today I want to talk about what I think is a pillar or cornerstone of any society; a foundation which when done right is a foundation upon which a loving, caring and happy community can be built. As a topic of conversation bearing much brevity, I will no doubt from time to time write more on it but for today my plans are for just a single post. Two maybe if it turns out I have more to share than I realise at this point. The thing I am talking about of course is the beauty and the beast that family can be.
Now from a traditional context, family in the African culture means a lot more than parents and their siblings, and maybe a few close cousins. Such is our culture that it embraces the extended family in a common brotherhood that has few parallels on the globe. Whichever side of these two extremes one chooses to embrace, the gist of my message I believe will help both. And whilst today I may not quote a lot of scripture, it is my belief that what I share is godly wisdom that can be of great benefit of all.
Now concerning family, I think essentially there are 3 choices one has as to the manner of relationship one can have with the members thereof; the first being to have a friend for life that one can always depend on through thick and thin that nature has automatically provided to you by virtue of the blood relation; the second being to have this permanent awkward connection whom you really do not know what to do with when you meet at occasions such as weddings and funerals where several come and you spend most of the time really just avoiding awkward conversation; and the third really upon disagreement or misunderstanding is a permanent grudge, or uncaring jealousy and permanent comparison or almost enemy type of relationship that in most cases is perpetuated to the point where one of the two parties maybe dies or relocates in such a manner you do not really talk to each other but where the enmity remains. I really do not think there exists a point of total indifference when it comes to family outside of these that is more or less akin to that you would have over people in another land that you have no idea exist and whom if you did meet depending on temperament there would be room for cordial conversation.
Now considering the choices available, it is more than obvious what the best choice is and what really the one choice to make there is. And with this perspective in mind, it needs to be appreciated really what a wonderful opportunity and blessing family is and ought to be. We really have when we are placed in families have the opportunity to build love-connections that last forever and that even from youth we will cherish forever. The differences that no doubt will arise as we are different people I believe are meant to be the first thing in life that teaches us acceptance; that show us that we don’t need to agree with someone to love them and to show them unconditional support; that it ought to be the first thing or relationship that shows us we do not need to compromise ourselves to show that we care and that we are willing to be there for each other. And also I believe this ought really to be our first taste of what an authentic and intimate/honest/transparent relationship means in terms of knowing each other for who we are and standing by each other all the same; something that no doubt will build confidence and strength in each person.
And this I believe because I strongly believe the way we relate with family is meant to be the template on which we build a caring and godly community. Taking any of the other two options really will hurt us as much as we hurt the next person because I think therein we begin to sow seeds of callousness, indifference, rejection and when these seeds sprout all manner of social evil flowers. Any of the other two routes means I believe we do not believe in the importance of one another and oftentimes I have seen comes as a result of prioritising agreement over relationship which though I can see the merits of; I believe the demerits tend to be worse. I do not intend to be telling anyone what to do with their situation with this post; because the reality is though love(agape) essentially is seeking first the good of the other person, what is necessitates is not necessarily the same for different situations. I feel it necessary to make this disclaimer because I do not intend for a moment to have what I am writing concerning family to be construed as justification for a woman to remain in the same household as a physically abusive man or other such gross atrocities. What I intend to address really is the heart position we take up whenever faced with such trials for when we position our hearts well, we set ourselves in a good position for good success.
Selah; be blessed.
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