First, I know I am single and I do not need reminding of that from those who know me and second I hope you can get past whatever it is that would want you to just go through this and be blessed with some of the wisdom I am going to share; because honestly this is an area that consumes a lot of our time and effort as we all of us who intend to be in marriage want to make sure we commit to the right person. And just to assure you my brother and my sister, God really does care and He really does want you to enjoy marriage.
A common pitfall in the choices we may make at times is shortsightedness. The man must have a car, a four figure salary and a house-right now and not later: the girl must look a certain way, be of a certain body type-right now and not later-she must have the right clothes and be pursuing the proper path for what you think would make the best wife. I always liken this to say, “If you are a girl and you meet Joseph in the pit, what is your response, or if you meet David in the wilderness running away from Saul what is your response. What if you meet Moses, but in the wilderness just after He has run from Pharaoh and He has nothing to his name. Do you give Him a chance? Does He have a shot or at that moment He is absolutely a none-starter.” Abigail in the bible is described as a beautiful and intelligent woman and yet she is married to Nabal-a fool, a mean and surly man. Nabal has the wealth but such is His folly were it not for the wise heart of Abigail, he would have brought upon his entire household great ruin. How does Abigail find herself here? The evidence says the marriage was not happy and it she only needs 10 days to mourn Nabal before she agrees to become David’s wife. 10 days my friends, only 10.
Shortsightedness is a failure to see what is important in the long term but to only consider the present. Joseph, Moses, David, Jacob are men with promises and great destinies upon their lives. They are men sure of where they are in God and where they are going but there is that time when it does not seem to be so. Nabal is rich, but in His heart He has no regard for the true wisdom of God. He has the money, the lifestyle right now but in his heart are seeds that could bring ruin to his entire family. As is written, it is not the outward that God looks at but the heart. And this I believe is the most important foundation for a happy marriage. A heart that is set on the Father for no matter what the external situation looks like at the moment you meet that person, even if they do not fit the bill-your marriage will be happy. Boaz knew this. He was a rich eligible bachelor (probably has been single all his life with no side games etc..) but the person he chose to marry was someone else’s widow; a woman who was definitely not a virgin and who definitely did not fit the bill for him. Ruth had had a husband, she was from a pagan nation and socially she would not have been the most popular of wife choices; but the only reason she followed Naomi was for the sake of Naomi’s God. She did not turn back like Orpah did when Naomi told them she could not give them husbands in her old age but she considered the pursuit of God more important. It is this that Boaz saw and when he got the chance to ne the kinsman redeemer, He gladly took it. How many of you all know that Potiphar’s wife was very beautiful and yet from her Joseph runs away? You see, the bible describes beauty in a woman without discretion as a gold ring in the snout of a pig and based on this example of Potiphar’s wife I will not stress any more on the importance of the heart.
Naomi also brings out the next point. Your desire to meet the right person and to pursue your spouse must not hinder your walk with God. Ruth and Orpah left with Naomi-each presumably ready to follow the Israelite way and to be counted amongst the family of God. When Naomi brings up the issue of husbands however, Orpah turns back. She considers that her need to have children to preserve her heritage to be more important than God. Ruth goes on, willing to continue not knowing whether or not she would get a husband but under the hand of God. We never know whether Orpah gets a husband but we know that Ruth gets Boaz. It is the desire of God to grant you the desire of your heart-and he is the one who put in you that desire for a spouse; but if you run away from Him in your attempts to fulfil your desire then you will run into trouble. With this in mind I believe I am right in saying that whatever relationship you find yourself in, it must not pull you away from God and if it does then run away from it as quickly as you can. God is joy (as a nice bit of info-Abigail means God is joy) and whoever leads you away from God leads you away from joy, form peace, from health and from true prosperity. Whoever would draw you to God would make a good spouse.
And one more thing, never get involved with someone with the intention of changing them. Your marriage is not a pulpit or a mission field-it is a place for two people to whole heartedly love one another and be there for one another unconditionally. It requires sacrifice, understanding and meeting at the best place where you do not see eye to eye (translation-men agreeing to what she says…lol…kidding) and this only works when both your hearts are in the right place concerning God. This idea of marry, disciple and then convert won’t work and is a lot of heartache for the both of you and almost certainly will disintegrate the marriage union. So be wise, light has no fellowship with darkness and it is not for anyone to be unequally yoked with an unbeliever. Get in a relationship with someone who sees eye to eye when it comes to the necessity of God in your life and if the both of you are for the active presence of God in your lives, you will enjoy your married life.
Sigh….I hope you have been blessed with what I have shared with you my friend. My Father is on your side and if you have any doubts, then all I invite you now is to say the following words “Dear God, I want to know what your heart is towards me; I want to taste and see that you are good and may you reveal this reality to me in my life this day.” My Father has heard you if you just said these words and believe me you are in for an amazing time for it is His delight to answer your prayer.
